Is it Really Your Responsibility? Determine What to Take Ownership Of

Telling someone to "just let go and drop the expectations" is like telling a friend in full panic mode to “just chill.” It’s not giving what it’s supposed to give. Let’s be real—it doesn’t work.

Blame is a tough habit to break because it’s usually tied to years (sometimes decades) of mental programming. It’s not like you’re unaware of the blame game you’re playing—you probably see it loud and clear. The tricky part? Actually doing something about it.

Here’s the thing: awareness is the first boss level. Action? That’s endgame energy.

Think back to the questions we talked about earlier:

• When did this belief first show up?

• Who made you think it was your responsibility?

• Why do you still believe it’s on you?

Answering these can help you not only call out the issues you already know exist but also track down the origin story. And when you know where it started, you can finally start rewriting the script.

Let’s talk about the worker bee mentality. Don’t worry, I’ll get to other mindsets if this one doesn’t hit, but this is a big one to unpack.

The worker bee mindset goes like this: “If I don’t do it, it won’t get done, so I have to handle it.” American painter William H. Johnsen said, “If it is to be, it is up to me.” And then there’s Robert H. Schuller’s book If It’s Going to Be, It’s Up to Me: The Eight Proven Principles of Possibility Thinking.

Sure, on the surface, these sound motivational, right? But here’s the trap—if you take this mindset as absolute truth, you risk running yourself into the ground trying to do everything for everyone.

“If the kids are going to eat, it’s up to me.”

“If we’re going to save money, it’s up to me.”

“If the house is going to look halfway decent, it’s up to me.”

“If the kids are going to achieve _______, it’s up to me.”

You see where this is going? It’s a fast lane to burnout town. Time to rethink the narrative.

When you’re staring down the never-ending to-do list—laundry, meal prep, picking up the kiddos, tackling house stuff—there’s one question you have to ask: “Is this actually mine to handle?”

Same goes for family drama: hosting the next big get-together, taking care of a parent who needs help, or making sure everyone’s good and covered. Pause and ask yourself, “Is this my responsibility?”

And yep, this applies to church commitments, work projects, or running a meeting too. The question stays the same: “Is this on me?”

Now, I can already hear you saying, “But if I don’t do it, who will?” Here’s the thing—there’s always another way. You might not love the alternatives, but trust me, a Plan B usually exists. The key is being real about what’s truly yours to carry—and what isn’t.

We cannot assume no one else will take up the slack so we must ask God if this is your portion for that day.  

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You see, when we do other people’s jobs, take on their appointed workload, or simply take the blame for jobs not accomplished, you miss what was your intended path for that day and take away the blessing from them. One time at a church we attended years ago I asked where the childcare was. The woman in charge deadass looked at me and said, “I’ll tell you only if you commit to working in children’s ministry” And that was the last time I took my kids to childcare.  The Church is the worst in browbeating blame takers with also taking on roles they weren’t made for. It makes space for those who were designed to do those roles to sit back and ponder whether or not they are called to certain areas.  

When we are being asked to do something or there is just a set expectation to do something we must check in with the One (God) who made us and ask Him, “Is this mine”.  

When we are being blamed for something that may or may not be our fault, again, check in with your Father and ask, “What is my portion to take responsibility for?”  

A word on parenting... When one of my kids was having an especially trying time for all involved, my answer was to believe we were not disciplining them enough. There must be something we weren’t doing right! My wise husband would always say, “You cannot discipline poor character”. I hear many people complain when a child is running amuck somewhere, “Well, you know what that kid needs?? A strong hand!” or something to the effect of the parent just needs to step it up.  

Dear parent who’s been told you need to step it up in the discipline department; remember how our loving Father deals with us. He waits for us to calm down and stop running amuck. He tenderly calls us back to Himself. He runs to us and scoops us up, waiting for us to stop throwing our monumental fits so we can hear His whispers of love and grace in our ears.  

If it's not obvious by now, your next step in releasing the blame and dropping your heavy load forever is simply to ask our Father if it’s yours to carry. If it is and you’re feeling the burden being too heavy, the second question to ask is, “How can I do this? Show me Your steps.” 

I promise, if He gives you a burden it will be light and easy. It’s one of His 7489 promises.