Why Does Lavender Make Me Feel Worse?
- Jen Weir
- 7 days ago
- 3 min read
When Calm Feels Unsafe
Lavender Isn’t Just “Relaxing.” Sometimes It Brings Up What You’ve Been Carrying.
Turns out, Lavender is not just relaxing.
More often than not, it can bring your attention to the stuff you have been carting around for far too long.
Lavender is usually introduced as the calm oil.
Sleep. Stress. Baths. Bedtime.
And no doubt, it is stunning support for all of that.
But over years of using this oil myself and talking with clients, I have noticed something: when calm begins to descend on a body that has spent years staying alert, it can feel destabilizing.
Weirdly, when your body has learned to carry everything itself, and something comes along that says, “Here, lemme carry that for you,” it may not immediately say thank you.
It may get SUSPICIOUS.
This is especially true for women who have walked through loss, instability, grief, rejection, financial fears and challenges, relationship trauma, divorce, abuse, or the ache of being left to figure life out alone.
Shoooo. Anybody else got the T-shirt for all of the above?
Sometimes what you call “I don’t like Lavender” may simply be:
“My system is not used to not being hypervigilant.”
And yes, even good change can feel unsettling when your body is used to bracing for what comes next.
Why a Calming Scent Can Bring Things to the Surface
Scent is closely connected to memory and emotion. That does not mean an essential oil can diagnose trauma or tell you exactly what happened to you. It absolutely cannot.
But your response can offer information.
When you deliberately slow down long enough to smell something calming, it can create room for thoughts, memories, emotions, or internal chatter that had been drowned out by busyness to become more noticeable.
That is not a reason to panic.
It is simply an invitation to get curious.
For me, Lavender used to be a delight. But about four months into widowhood, it was no longer my sweet, emotion-releasing friend. It became the harbinger of something I was not yet ready to face: a massive sense of abandonment rising back to the surface.
Looking back, it made sense.
But here is the thing: just because you know something does not mean you can always see what is happening inside of you while you are in it.
We all have blind spots. Sometimes it takes an outside perspective, a quiet moment, a prayer, a journal entry, or an unexpected reaction to help us recognize what we have been carrying.
When life has taught you that safety is fleeting and security is a pipe dream, immediate peace may feel like an enemy at first.
It may feel suspicious.
Your body may have learned patterns that helped it create a sense of safety:
Staying tense
Keeping insanely busy
Being hypervigilant
Overproducing
Emotionally guarding yourself
Preparing for the next shoe to drop
Those patterns may have helped you survive something real.
But survival mode is exhausting. And it is not the same thing as safety.
Lavender Does Not Force You. It Invites You
Lavender will not force you to face something before you are ready. But it may hold up a mirror and ask whether you might, maybe, just possibly, want to crack open the door.
And if you are willing, perhaps be brave enough to ask a question or two.
For now, try this:
Diffuse Lavender in the evening, or dilute a few drops with a carrier oil and apply it to your feet. Then simply notice what surfaces—if anything. It may be that you are all set.
No reaction. All love.
But if something does surface, do not force the issue. You do not have to turn one moment with an oil into a full excavation of your life.
Just let curiosity rise up.
Hmm. I wonder why I do not love this one?
What feels uncomfortable about slowing down?
What have I been carrying that I keep calling “fine”?
What would it look like to let God carry this with me tonight?
No judgment. Just noticing.
Lavender is not magic. And it is not the enemy.
It is a simple tool that, when used consistently and without pressure, can become a small doorway back to your own healing.
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